ultrasound biopsy

As I await my upcoming biopsy a little research seems necessary.  I hit the internet... the internet, what a terrific thing! After finding that this is something I really think should not be done to anyone, I resign myself that it will be done to me.  The day arrives and I head to the hospital, with my Jade device in hand! Sign in and wait in the lobby.  Time seems to tick slowly, yet so quickly ... confusing I agree.  The doctor comes out and introduces himself and his nurse, we walk into the operatory chatting about the heat.  After they position me the doctor spends a lot of time making marks and talking to his nurse.  After what seems like hours (actually only minutes) he tells me he doesn't like the 'look' of the ultrasound.  He leads me to his office and puts my films on the viewer and suggests that another biopsy would be better for me.  I am in shock, first the doctors office machine is broken and now this ... what next?  I really think I can't actually go through this again, it is much more emotional than I could have thought ...

Friday afternoon I went to the radiology clinic with my films, set up appointment for Tuesday afternoon at 2.30.  I am a bit numb, after gearing myself up for the biopsy on Friday ...then not to happen.

My first thought on hearing biopsy was Grace... is this her legacy?  Will she have to deal with this one day?  I pray not.  Not being mom to girls I never dreamed the feelings that would consume me regarding her.

With a plate so full I am afraid I will drop something, splat to the floor, let someone down or worse yet maybe even crack myself ... have never felt this way before ...

We've had Andrew home for the weekend, and it's gone by in a blur ... have decided to concentrate on the next visit with him and all the fun I've planned for the bg this week ...

unbelievable!

So, what a day!  I am sure to arrive early to my appointment to fill out all the necessary paperwork.  Naturally when they make an appointment that time comes and goes ... so at 11.15 I am taken in to the exam room, blood pressure, temp taken and now given a gown... 11.30 doctor comes in, she's 12 years old... really, I am certain she is just 12 years old!  She exams me, and calmly tells me that she's sending me to a radiologist for the biopsy... her machine is broken and she doesn't want to miss anything ... it's because she's 12 years old!!  it's not an x-box ... so, they pack up my films and give me the number to a women's clinic ... I hate that name ...

Now I am home ... call the clinic and they won't make the appointment until they see the films ... SERIOUSLY!  I am thinking of calling it off ... my 12 year old doctor is pretty sure it's not malignant ... why put myself through this  ...

biopsy, seriously?

Of all the scary words out there I never expected to hear one directed at me ... biopsy ... let me back up first.  A couple of weeks ago I had my very favorite of all things, physical exam!  I can not wait each year to head to my doctor, rip my clothes off and jump on the table to have a man I barely know (don't really know his first name!) fondle me up and down ... then with a lovely smile on his face remind me of my next very favorite thing - mamogram ... yippee ... so his secretary makes my appointment and a couple days later I get to have my breasts squeezed and manipulated in a machine that tries to rotate them off my very body ... so here I am.  Just be-popping along with out a care (I really have cares but not this large) when I get a lovely letter in the mail stating I need to come in for another film ... boom, words escape me (and if you really know me then you know that's quite rare!). With shakey fingers I dial the clinic and make an appointment.  The nurse calmly tells me that in 75% of women one film they're back out the door ... she doesn't mention the other 25%.  I make my appointment strip to the waist and proceed to have my left breast nearly ripped off... then she takes two more shots ... making me think I may not be in that 75%.  The tech calmly asks me to sit, and she leaves me in this cold room with that machine.  When she returns she says the radiologist thinks a sonogram is necessary ... now I know I'm not in that 75%.  The radiologist is quite nice and we strike up a delightful conversation (which I will share later) and she takes loads of pictures of my now very sore left breast ... she has concern on her face and she's not being as light hearted as she began.  She sits me up and says I have a mass... a MASS ... another scary word ... and she wants me to see a surgeon for a three line biopsy ... so, here I am waiting a week to have a three line biopsy ... a little scared.