when your man cheats

Living life is hard, it's even more so when you find out your man is having an affair. It is devastating!

Here I am just going along thinking all is normal. Even though I knew he wasn't well, mentally or physically. But silly ol' me is trusting and foolish.

Due to family and job situation we are living in two places; our beautiful home we purchased to retire in; the same home we hoped to watch our grandchildren grow near and an apartment 620 miles away. I thought we were making the best of it all, sharing weekends together and extra days on each end, so we could help with our granddaughter, the love of our life!

One weekend he tells me not to come back, and he decides to not come home the next weekend and when he finally does come home I know immediately he's been cheating. I see it in his eyes, and they way he looks at me.

He tells me he doesn't love me, and hasn't loved me for five years, ouch! I have been blindly living with a man that I cherish and he's been living with a woman he doesn't love.

I notice he won't let his cell phone be more than arms reach from him, something that's never happened in the past. So, when he has that precious granddaughter in the pool I go through his phone.  I am sickened by the text messages between the two of them, my heart is shredding and I'm on quicksand ...

I decide to confront him and he denies it all, so I quote many of the text messages between them and he begins to realize his error, leaving that phone on the bar.

I tell him I love him, and we can get through this, he tells me he loves her ...

I do the only logical thing I can think of, I hire a private detective. This man was surely worth every penny it cost me, he finds out everything about this person ... and I tell my man some of them. Of course he doesn't believe me, she's perfect and I'm lying ...

I share with my adult boys the situation and they too are devastated.

The next day my man takes money out of our joint account and opens a new account in a different bank; why would he do this? To protect himself he says, this is not his thought process and it begins.  My youngest son says to get a lawyer, so I do. She says he has 24 hours to replace that money or she's filing an injunction against him.  He returns the money.

The truth of what the detective has found is ringing in my ears, she only wants his money; she thinks he has loads and she wants her share!

He asks for divorce, and I say no; not for one year. He balks, but doesn't have much recourse.

I take him to get a physical, to see his neurologist, and I find a psychiatrist too as I know he's losing it.  I find a therapist and we both go.

I see him take his medications, he seems to be gaining control.  We are going to counseling and I begin to feel things are going well ... yet, all the while he's still seeing her at work, going to her and not his wife to 'feel' better. He is unable to face the facts of the problems he's caused instead he is blaming me to her, and she soothes him over it.

This goes on for months, five months, and I am blinded by it. Sure, there are days when he is his nasty self, but I know that this is a struggle and we are going to make it ...

I confront him, he back peddles, says he's on the right track, that we are going to make it. And again, he turns to her. This happens time and time again, and I blame her.  Then I see it's not just her, it's him too ... and I realize, he doesn't love me.

Now I am stronger, and going to find my way ... alone. I love him but am unable to continue in this pain and drowning sensation ...